The Value of Reflection

Apr 23, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Maybe it is having a granddaughter who is now 1 year old and aging as I type this. Possibly because our youngest is 20 and life continues to move at an incredible pace. Or maybe it is just reflection as we enter into another year. Whatever the cause it is all good to get me to simply stop and reflect.

In my counseling background the concept of reflection stems from dealing and attempting to figure out the past, who to blame, and what causes me to be the way I am. Yes, a bit of tongue and cheek there but with my forthrightness and not being able to change the past, I have ignored this.  So we can be looking and moving forward, not dwelling on something that I can’t change. And even if I figure it out, how does it help me now in heading toward a brighter exciting anticipatory future?

We have all heard that the windshield is much larger than the rear view mirror. Stop looking in the rear view mirror and pay attention to where you are headed.

I have for years told our children this when they are literally walking. As soon as I take my eye off of where I am heading and stare at something behind or beside me I inevitably stumble and often fall or hit something right in front of me.

But in coaching others I am learning the value of reflection. Not as I perceived above, rather what have I done, and how effective have I been? What did I learn to do this better in the future?

In dealing with business leaders, CEO’s, and high achievers, I am learning the value of what productive reflection offers, including some direct personal questions of effectiveness and evaluation, and makes us and our business better and moving forward toward higher levels of productivity in all areas of our lives. And so it is in our relationships. I am finding the need to commit time and energy into these relationships. So, I need to evaluate how I have spent my time and how productive I have been in engaging in healthy relationships.

Who do you need to spend more time with these days?
Who do you probably need to stop hanging around as much?
Who are you having invest in you, mentor you, or come alongside and help you be a better you? Who is simply a good friend to help you grow in life?
Who should you be pouring more of your life into to disciple, mentor, and ultimately communicate with words, effort, energy, and physical presence a genuine friendship?
How can you and I reflect on our relationships to help us become better and help others to become all God designed and desires?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

 

 

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My Children Taught Me ….

Apr 8, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

My girls have said for years that Shay, our son, is my favorite child. Well, of course I have vehemently denied that allegation. A mother equally loves all her children. No favorites.

But I started wondering what would make them say that. And then it occurred to me – Shay is the child God gave to comfort me after a miscarriage. He was born 11 months later. Therefore, I suppose he has always received a double portion of a mother’s love. And he continues to give me comfort through his heart for family, the power of his words when he speaks or writes spoken word, the integrity of hard work that marks his life. Even through his quiet strength.

I am amazed how God teaches something about Himself through our children. Through the gift of Shay, I experienced my Lord as my comforter.

So what did I learn about God from the other two?

Lauren is our firstborn. When we learned of her eminent arrival, we had just decided that I would attend graduate school, and we would wait to have children for six years. Hello! God had a different plan. I even tried to go to school after she was born and that didn’t work out. I decided baby now; school can come later. What did I learn about my Lord? He directs our lives if we will only pay attention. And His way is good. I was designed for a very specific purpose and those paths I was choosing were not it.

So then there is Gabrielle Esther, our baby. From the time she could first really talk, she has made us laugh. She is truly one of the funniest people I know. And she revealed to me the delight of my Father. We love to laugh because He created laughter. Therefore, He must laugh, too. Won’t it be fun one day to hear the Father laugh? And what do you think He sounds like?

Comfort, design, and laughter. Three beautiful truths about my Lord delivered through three beautiful people. There are so many more aspects of our Lord I have learned through my children, but these are the ones I am thankful for today.

Revelations about our Father are revealed all around us every day if we just pay attention. What a blessing to receive those glimpses of our Lord through our children.

What have you learned from your children?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

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How to Navigate Personalities

Mar 19, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

One of the amazing parts of being in relationship with others is experiencing so many varied personalities. One of the greatest challenges of being in relationship with others is navigating so many varied personalities. Right?!

Whether dealing with a spouse, a child, a parent, a co-worker, a friend….we have so many personalities to rummage through. And some are easier than others to live with. So how do we have relationship with people who are so complex and different?

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Relationships of Love

Feb 18, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Last night Jim and I went to the movies. Before the show were some commercials. One was for Android showing different animals playing together that are usually not friendly. For example, a tiger was lying beside a bear and a goat was trying to jump up on a horse. The message – We can all get along despite our differences.

Another commercial was for Coca-Cola and showed a coke spilling on an Internet server. The soda then flowed throughout the world spreading goodness. Where two people were fighting – they suddenly were amicable. Where someone was sad – they were happy. You get the idea.

Showing love to others – especially those people outside our inner circle or even our tribe is not just supposed to happen. It has to happen. We are simply one big group of humanity living on this giant planet spinning through space. We must get along.

I’ve been reading a book by Bob Roberts called Bold As Love. He talks about the importance of love and friendship crossing lines of race, culture, and religion. I love what he has to say, but I really love the title – Bold As Love.

Loving another human being is not a wimpy action. It requires three crucial components:

Courage: The ability to step out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to another person.

Transparency: Showing others who you really are – not the façade that is societally acceptable, but the true you.

Vulnerability: Anytime you open the door to your true self, you risk rejection. But it is so worth the risk.

Now in a practical day-to-day life, we weave out of many levels of love. Our relationships are like concentric circles around us. We have the inner circle of family, then close friends, then other friends, then acquaintances, and so forth all the way out to our touches with the grocery clerk or our banker. And in each of those circles, we love in varying degrees. I don’t have the same relationship with my waitress at Denny’s as I do my best friend. But I must still love them both.

And what about outside of my tribe? What about people of other cultures, races, or religions? Am I willing to open my heart to them in love?

Love does not mean we always agree or live life the same way. But a true life of love is filled with kindness, respect, and valuing. That kind of love can extend throughout your neighborhood, your city, your country, and around the world. Love is the unifying hope of humanity and the only way we can live in true relationship.

How do you live out a heart and life of love?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

 

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How’s Your Work Ethic?

Feb 3, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Work ethic is one of those key core values of ours. It comes under our value of Integrity, and we believe work ethic is a critical part of that value. We do believe in our words and keeping them true and correct, but along with that our work commitment and strong ethic speaks rather loudly to being a person of Integrity.

“There is someone out there that also wants to be the best, so I have to outwork them to be the best..” Amari Cooper

Amari Cooper was the wide receiver for the nationally ranked University of Alabama and now plans to go to the NFL. This video clip attached was done this past fall and is presented by ESPN. When watching this you will hear described so well about his work ethic and who helped model and teach him that work ethic. We believe it articulates well what we often attempt to communicate, so watch, enjoy, learn, and process his words and actions to apply to your own life and to your parenting.

http://espn.go.com/blog/sec/post/_/id/90096/video-amari-cooper-the-quiet-man

Work Ethic. Integrity.

How are you doing with this value? How well are you modeling and teaching your children this value? It really is a game-changer in life.

~ Jim and Jerolyn

 

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There’s Only Two Things a Parent Can Do

Jan 21, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

I had lunch with a friend today whose son is on an around the world trip and has been for the last year. He’s 19 years old. She was telling about the wonderful adventures he has had and some of the pictures she has seen of him. Like him hanging onto the side of a cliff face. Or using couchsurfing.com to find a place to sleep for the night. I finally said, “Can you imagine how you would feel as a mother if he didn’t know the Lord and was out doing all that?”

You see, there are many things from which we can protect our children. We can control their TV watching, what friends they hangout with, the food they eat and the time they go to bed. But even that is not perfect. Short of locking them in a bubble, we cannot protect them from everything.

We have only two options: Do what we can in establishing a solid, loving foundation and trust God. That’s it.

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