3 Ways You Should Be Caring For Your Spouse

Sep 24, 2016 by

loving couple

This is our church’s week for Vacation Bible School. Every year, each day of VBS, I greet the children and parents as they enter the building. This year’s theme has a secret spy agency. So one of the props the team created was a “metal detector” that is strips of gray plastic cloth that the kids have to walk through. As people arrive, I tell the children to pass through the “metal detector” before they can go into the agency.

On the first day a grandpa and grandma brought their two grandchildren to VBS. I said my regular spiel about walking through the “metal detector.” Suddenly, the grandma turns around, looks at her husband and says pretty strongly, “I don’t think you can come in.” Then she looks at me and explains, “He has a pace maker.”

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Rite of Passage

Jun 22, 2016 by

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I met a woman at a meeting last week who recently sent her 14-year-old daughter on a rite of passage trip with her grandparents. They were headed to Italy.

Mom was experiencing a lot of anxiety – from her daughter being gone from her…… to her wanting her daughter to do well with the grandparents…. to her experiencing all she needed to experience on this trip. Mom even sent two questions with her daughter to help her in times of frustration.

But Mom’s biggest question? Have I’ve done right in raising my daughter?

Everyone asks himself or herself the same question. The last thing we want to leave is the legacy of failed parenting. Even though we know there is only so much we can do, (that pesky free will.) we still bear the huge responsibility of modeling the right life for our children and training them in how to live.

  • Are you and your family living intentionally?
  • Are you all aiming for the same goal and on the same page with how to get there?

We would love to help you with your child’s legacy trip. Learn more here.

~Jim and Jerolyn

 

 

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Mentors and Team

Mar 7, 2016 by

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In an article in Success Magazine Coach Mike Krzyzewski (Affectionately known as Coach K), head coach of famed Duke University men’s basketball team, was interviewed about last year’s NCAA Division I men’s basketball championship season. Arguably one of the greatest coaches of all time, Coach K shared the challenges as well as the celebration and team effort to win it all.

For many of us we know that none of us get anywhere by ourselves. We really do need one another. Often we forget that we “made it” only by the help and investment of others in us and alongside us.

Team, helping one another on the journey, is important in the sports, business, AND family world.

Following are some excerpts from the article that not only show some amazing motivational and leadership skills, but also the importance of understanding “no one goes it alone.” A team effort in life is needed, as well as for us to remember who helped us get there. I have inserted a few thoughts/questions to make it applicable lessons for us (there are so many from this story)…

“In late January, for the first time in his 35 years running the Duke program, he had to dismiss a player for violating team rules. That followed a streak in which his once-undefeated and second-ranked team lost three of six games.

Suddenly a season that started with great promise teetered on the brink. Making matters worse, between injuries and the player dismissal, the Blue Devils were left with only eight scholarship players—the most talented athletes… the athletes you need in droves if you want to win anything.

What came next was a private coaching moment, and it led to a championship Coach K says is like none other. On Jan. 29, the Blue Devils staff assembled the team in the locker room and Coach K went to the whiteboard.

“Eight is what we have,” the winningest man in college basketball said as he drew the number on the board. “But eight is actually the perfect number. Look at it. Two perfect loops joined together. It’s connected. Turn it on its side and it is the symbol for infinity. Eight is never-ending.

“It is all we have… and it is all we need.”

One by one, the coach went around the room reminding each player why he was special and then he declared that the goal had not changed. Duke fully intended to be national champion.

  • Who is on your team?
  • Who needs to hear how important and critical they are as a part of the team?
  • How can you encourage your teammates? How have others on your team helped motivate and support you?
  • Who we have is who we have, and together we can make a difference! Obviously for Duke last season, Eight really was enough.

“Just before the NCAA Tournament, [associate head coach Jeff] Capel had an idea, and we brought out a ball that we didn’t let the public know about,” Coach K says, a sly smile washing over his face. “We told the team, ‘We are going to have this ball with us on our way through this tournament, and we would like for you to write on the ball the names of people who have made it possible for you to be here—people who mean something to you.’

“Then we told the team we would carry that ball everywhere we go, but we won’t have it out for the public, we don’t want it to be a publicity thing

“The coaches wrote down names, too.

We said that after we won the championship for those people, we would then send an autographed ball from all of us to each of the people on there and explain how they had helped carry us through.

“So when we did win, we prepared a letter that explained what we had done and then Quinn [Cook, senior captain] wrote a note to every person saying, ‘Thanks. You were with us every step of the way.’ It was a powerful reminder of how many people were responsible for us being in that moment.”

I have heard for a long time that we need to remember we are standing on the shoulders of someone else.

Who believed in you, encouraged you, disciplined you, coached you up, and mentored you to help you become who you are today?

Who are you investing in relationship today to make a difference in their life and help them achieve, accomplish, succeed in life? 

~ Jim and Jerolyn

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Raising Independent Adults

Feb 22, 2016 by

 

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Our youngest child is now 21 years old. She’s just graduating from college this spring, and Jim and I are asking ourselves this question:

Did we raise her to be self-sufficient?

I think we as parents can in many ways enable our children to depend upon us – especially the youngest one. I know I certainly didn’t with my oldest. I was putting her to work helping me with the younger ones at an early age. I think she learned everything about life before she was 12.

It’s so easy to baby the baby. Maybe they seem more vulnerable than the others. Or maybe we just need to keep being needed. And then there are some kids who are ready to break away no matter what we as parents are doing.

So when and how do we prepare our children to face the details of life?

The answer to the when depends on the child. Some children/teenagers are able to take on more than others at an earlier age. The real answer is probably as early as possible. And for some parents, that may be earlier than we feel comfortable. But the point is not to wait for our comfort to be sure our children are prepared.

The how is simple – model, train, watch, release.

First, we must be modeling the behaviors and skills we need to pass on to our children. Now they don’t need to watch me pay the bills when they are 9 or 10. But they can watch me cook or mow the lawn to learn those skills. Each skill we model needs to be made known to our children at an appropriate age for them to grasp the concept if not the actual practice of the skill.

Secondly, we train. There comes a point where we need to have them start to take some of the responsibility. But for them to do that, we need to instruct them on how to do it – verbally. Having simply watched us perform a skill does not always translate into the step-by-step process. Now is the time for that instruction.

Next, let them take the reigns. You can still watch them move through the skill. But this is your time for hands off. They need to hear your encouragement and sometimes your critique. But the key in this step is to let them act independently. They will not do it perfectly or maybe not up to your standards in the beginning. But with time, they will build proficiency and competency.

Lastly, release them. We always say parents should raise their kids to release them. After all, that is the definition of independent. Let them go knowing that they will do some things the way you taught them and some to their own rhythm. But ultimately, they can now move through life on their own two feet.

We often say, we raised our children to release them. Did we? Are you?

~Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

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Repost: Intentional Parenting

Jan 19, 2016 by

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Recently, Jerolyn and I were privileged to teach and lead a parenting conference in Texas. Here is some of what was said by those who attended…

“We must be intentional parents if we hope to leave our children a legacy of Christian values that they take with them as they grow and start their own families.”

“One of the things we liked was the emphasis on discipleship, and we think we will be much more intentional about living a legacy for our children to follow.”

“After our discussion, both (of our children) were excited about creating a poster with “our family values” and could not wait to pick out a prominent wall on which to display them!  This in itself is an exciting development and one that got (my wife) and I motivated to ensure we continue to model the values to our children.”

Did you catch that more than one person mentioned the intentionality of parenting and having a plan. We love it.

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