TNT Confrontation

Jun 10, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

How are you at confrontation? Most people I talk to say they hate confrontation and avoid it whenever possible. I don’t think there are many people who would say they love confrontation. For the most part, people would rather maintain peace, and confrontation does not seem very peaceful. But it can if done the right way.

I think there are two elements of confrontation that we must consider:

Timing and Tone.

TIMING:

There are just really bad times to confront someone with an issue. For example, I never talk to Jim about anything when he crawls into bed because once his head is that pillow, he is falling asleep. Likewise, he knows I don’t handle confrontation if I am hungry or tired. (Poor guy, I’m usually one of those most of the time.)

We all have our times and situations where it is not the best moment to be confronted about an issue. Our reactions will not be as pleasant, and we are just not in the mood for introspection or humility.

TONE:

How we say something to another person can make a huge difference in how they receive it. I personally like to pray before I confront someone. Not just that they will be receptive, but that I will lovingly convey what is on my heart. I don’t want my frustration or hurt in the situation to come through in my voice and possibly make them want to be defensive from the get go. My goal is to remain calm, neutral and matter-of-fact so we can simply discuss the situation and reach a mutually beneficial resolution. The way I say something could derail that outcome right out of the gate. If that happens, there is no reason to even bring up the subject – it’s a lose/lose situation.

We often talk about in a marriage that we should live as two people pulling on the same side of the rope. We want our marriage to win, so we will work with each other, not against one another.

Actually, all our relationships should be like that. Bosses, co-workers, employees should all want the company to win. Neighbors should want the neighborhood to win. Parents/children should want the family to win. Friends should want the friendship to win.

But since in every relationship at some point we are going to have disagreement and hurt, we need to know how best to resolve it. Our tone and timing could possibly be the key. If we can get our T-n-T straight, we can avoid an “explosive” confrontation and make our relationships stronger for it.

Who do you need to lovingly confront  and when?

~Jim and Jerolyn