How Do You Say, “I’m Sorry?”

Jul 1, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

Jerolyn recently wrote about Timing and Tone for Conflict Resolution. She did a great job and we actually heard back from different ones on this…Thanks!

Here is something of a throwback, but still relevant today, that ties in with us dealing with, and addressing conflict in relationships. It is really about our responsibility and ownership in relationships that can help us bring about resolution and health. What do you think? Would love your stories and thoughts on this…A couple of words that often seem out of date…Repentance and Restitution.

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TNT Confrontation

Jun 10, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

How are you at confrontation? Most people I talk to say they hate confrontation and avoid it whenever possible. I don’t think there are many people who would say they love confrontation. For the most part, people would rather maintain peace, and confrontation does not seem very peaceful. But it can if done the right way.

I think there are two elements of confrontation that we must consider:

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It’s Not About Me!

May 13, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

I can tend to be a very selfish person. Yep, I just put that out there. I like things a certain way – usually my way. I like people to behave the way I think they need to behave. I like to be taken care of. And as an introvert, I really like my alone time. Just being honest here.

But lately God keeps bringing people into my life with the reminder that “It’s not about me!”

My first thought is, “But why can’t it be about me?” (Sigh) Then I put on my big girl pants, remember I’m not an infant, and get to being about my Father’s business.

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The Value of Reflection

Apr 23, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Maybe it is having a granddaughter who is now 1 year old and aging as I type this. Possibly because our youngest is 20 and life continues to move at an incredible pace. Or maybe it is just reflection as we enter into another year. Whatever the cause it is all good to get me to simply stop and reflect.

In my counseling background the concept of reflection stems from dealing and attempting to figure out the past, who to blame, and what causes me to be the way I am. Yes, a bit of tongue and cheek there but with my forthrightness and not being able to change the past, I have ignored this.  So we can be looking and moving forward, not dwelling on something that I can’t change. And even if I figure it out, how does it help me now in heading toward a brighter exciting anticipatory future?

We have all heard that the windshield is much larger than the rear view mirror. Stop looking in the rear view mirror and pay attention to where you are headed.

I have for years told our children this when they are literally walking. As soon as I take my eye off of where I am heading and stare at something behind or beside me I inevitably stumble and often fall or hit something right in front of me.

But in coaching others I am learning the value of reflection. Not as I perceived above, rather what have I done, and how effective have I been? What did I learn to do this better in the future?

In dealing with business leaders, CEO’s, and high achievers, I am learning the value of what productive reflection offers, including some direct personal questions of effectiveness and evaluation, and makes us and our business better and moving forward toward higher levels of productivity in all areas of our lives. And so it is in our relationships. I am finding the need to commit time and energy into these relationships. So, I need to evaluate how I have spent my time and how productive I have been in engaging in healthy relationships.

Who do you need to spend more time with these days?
Who do you probably need to stop hanging around as much?
Who are you having invest in you, mentor you, or come alongside and help you be a better you? Who is simply a good friend to help you grow in life?
Who should you be pouring more of your life into to disciple, mentor, and ultimately communicate with words, effort, energy, and physical presence a genuine friendship?
How can you and I reflect on our relationships to help us become better and help others to become all God designed and desires?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

 

 

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My Children Taught Me ….

Apr 8, 2015 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

My girls have said for years that Shay, our son, is my favorite child. Well, of course I have vehemently denied that allegation. A mother equally loves all her children. No favorites.

But I started wondering what would make them say that. And then it occurred to me – Shay is the child God gave to comfort me after a miscarriage. He was born 11 months later. Therefore, I suppose he has always received a double portion of a mother’s love. And he continues to give me comfort through his heart for family, the power of his words when he speaks or writes spoken word, the integrity of hard work that marks his life. Even through his quiet strength.

I am amazed how God teaches something about Himself through our children. Through the gift of Shay, I experienced my Lord as my comforter.

So what did I learn about God from the other two?

Lauren is our firstborn. When we learned of her eminent arrival, we had just decided that I would attend graduate school, and we would wait to have children for six years. Hello! God had a different plan. I even tried to go to school after she was born and that didn’t work out. I decided baby now; school can come later. What did I learn about my Lord? He directs our lives if we will only pay attention. And His way is good. I was designed for a very specific purpose and those paths I was choosing were not it.

So then there is Gabrielle Esther, our baby. From the time she could first really talk, she has made us laugh. She is truly one of the funniest people I know. And she revealed to me the delight of my Father. We love to laugh because He created laughter. Therefore, He must laugh, too. Won’t it be fun one day to hear the Father laugh? And what do you think He sounds like?

Comfort, design, and laughter. Three beautiful truths about my Lord delivered through three beautiful people. There are so many more aspects of our Lord I have learned through my children, but these are the ones I am thankful for today.

Revelations about our Father are revealed all around us every day if we just pay attention. What a blessing to receive those glimpses of our Lord through our children.

What have you learned from your children?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

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