Marriage Values: Unwavering Support, Part 2

Feb 5, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

On Tuesday, we covered our 5^th value from Faith Legacy for Couples: Seven Values to Shape Your Marriage. Today, we will look at some strategies for living out the value of Unwavering Support.

In a marriage, each couple needs to know the other has their back – that no matter what, their spouse will stand by their side and help them through whatever they are facing, good or bad. We call it pulling on the same side of the rope. In Tug-of-War, you pull against one another on each end of a rope to move it into position so you can win. But in a marriage, you and your spouse must be pulling together on the same side of the rope so your marriage can win. You are a team and as such, you must support one another unwaveringly.

So how do you do that?

Personally:

Emotionally and intellectually, we each need to know we have the love and support of our spouse. To give that to each other, we must know their needs.

• How does your spouse work emotionally?
• Do you know if your spouse needs to relax with people or by themselves?
• How do they handle stress? What helps them relieve stress and how can you help them relieve their stress?
• What are their strengths? How can you encourage them to live in their strengths?
• What are their weaknesses? How can you support them as they work on their weak areas? Maybe you are not the help they need. So get them someone who can help them and stand by their side through the process.
• What does your spouse absolutely love to do for fun? Join them in it. Whether it is your thing or not, you can be a part sometimes to experience life with your spouse and celebrate their talents and interests.

Professionally:

Most people do not work with their spouse like we do, but that doesn’t mean you can’t support them professionally. Our careers/jobs take up a huge portion of our day. We each need to know our spouse is giving us their full support as we pursue our individual dreams.

• Gain at least a pedestrian knowledge of your spouse’s job. They chose this path and it is part of their identity. To know your spouse is to know what they do every day.
• Ask them about their day at work – best thing that happened and worst thing that happened. Be a good listener.
• Take an interest in where they want to go in their career. Do they need further education? Does the family need to relocate? Then as a couple, decide what is the best next move and support your spouse through their dreams. Sometimes these decisions require sacrifice on the part of one spouse. But when you are working together, everyone benefits in the end.

Spiritually:

The spiritual side of every human being is the very foundation of who they are. It is where they establish their worldview and life beliefs. While the spiritual journey is very personal, and we will each be at different stages in the process at different times, we can support each other through that process. By giving grace in the face of our spouse’s weaknesses or encouragement in their strengths, we are able to grow in our relationship with God together.

• Pray for each other every day. Ask your spouse how you can pray for them. Pray together as well.
• Ask them about what God is teaching them right now. If there is a change to be made, what is it? How can you help them make that change? (Do this for each other on a regular basis.)
• Encourage each other to take a day alone with God at least once a year. You may be the one left holding down the fort at home, but you are allowing your spouse to have a tremendous experience of unplugging and spending time with the Creator of the Universe. You will benefit from this, as well — personally and in your marriage.
• Ask your spouse where they are studying in the Bible. Have discussions about what God is saying and how He is teaching us to live.
• How can you serve together in your local church? Even if you have different jobs in the church, you can both be a part of a ministry together.
• Take a short-term missions trip together. There is no greater joy in your spiritual walk than to give back to others through serving the Lord. Doing this together will strengthen you both spiritually and will strengthen your marriage.

These questions and ideas are not comprehensive. But hopefully, as you work through them, you can begin to see new ways to support your spouse like you’ve never done before.

How are you going to start today to pull on the same side of the rope?

~Jim and Jerolyn