Marriage Values: Cherish and Respect, Part 1

Jan 6, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

As it’s the first full week of the month, we will again go over one of the values from our marriage book, Faith Legacy for Couples: Seven Values to Shape Your Marriage. If you’ve not caught the first three, you can read Absolute Commitment & Unconditional Love, Part 1 and Part 2; Love God and One Another, Part 1 and Part 2; and Honest Communication, Part 1 and Part 2.

Cherish and Respect is probably one of the most important topics we will talk on for marriage. And we aren’t the only ones who think so. Many others have written whole books on the subject. It’s that important.

The idea is based around Ephesians 5:33.

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Interestingly, this verse addresses some very basic needs of men and women.

Men: Tend to desire respect even over love. In one national study, 400 men were asked to choose between 2 negative situations – being alone and unloved or feeling inadequate and disrespected. In this study, 74% chose to be alone and unloved. That is how much men desire respect.

When it comes to a marital relationship, a wife’s respect is a driving force in a man. When he feels that his wife believes in him and acknowledges his accomplishments or at least his attempts, then he feels love. Without that respect, his role as a husband is empty and meaningless.

Women: Want to be cherished. The love that the word, cherish implies touches a women on the deepest level.  To be cherished is to be even more than loved. You feel special, prized, adored. Jim pictures to cherish as placing Jerolyn on a shelf and not letting anyone touch her. But she is there to be admired and adored. Jerolyn, however, sees it differently. To be cherished is to have Jim’s arms totally wrapped around her in a protective, but not smothering posture. Knowing he will allow only good to reach her and will do whatever he has to do to keep away the bad.

The ways we view respect and cherish may vary even within the same gender. The important question is:

“Am I meeting my husband’s need for respect?” or “Does my wife know how much I cherish her?”

On Thursday, we will explore some practical ways to show respect and cherish to our spouse.

~Jim and Jerolyn