Marriage Values: Cherish and Respect, Part 2

Jan 8, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

On Tuesday, we talked about the value of Cherish and Respect. Today, let’s look at some practical ways to show those values to your spouse.

Since each couple is unique, we’ll go about this through a series of questions. If each of you take the time to think through the answers for your spouse, you will have some ideas on how to show cherish and respect to your husband/wife.

Together: Begin by sitting down together and asking each other two questions.

Men: “What are 5 things I do that show you that I cherish you?”

Women: “What are 5 things that I do that show you that I respect you?”

Both: “What should I stop doing because I am not cherishing/respecting you?” (If they struggle with 5 things, ask them what you could do to show cherish/respect.) This conversation may be more than one sitting. Be thoughtful in your answers to your spouse so they can know what speaks clearest to you.

Once you have a list of ways your spouse receives cherish and respect, then you need to ask yourself the following questions.

• When am I going to do these specific actions for my spouse? (List dates and times. Be very specific. Then put it on your calendar.)
• What do I need to stop doing that is not cherishing or honoring to my spouse?
• Who do I need to tell to hold me accountable to these action steps I want to take to cherish/respect my spouse?

Another question I would like to add in here for both of you is, “What is your spouse’s love language and how can you meet it?” If you are unfamiliar with the term “love language,” read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Chicago: Northfield, 2010). When you are meeting your spouse’s love language, they will feel cherished and respected. This is one avenue of meeting their need.

Once you start taking deliberate steps to cherish and respect, then set a time in 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months to sit down and evaluate how you are each doing. Make adjustments. Rinse and repeat.

By making an effort to cherish your wife or respect your husband, you take giant strides toward a healthy, loving, and selfless marriage.

~Jim and Jerolyn