How to Protect Your Marriage

Oct 6, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Recently, I had a wonderful afternoon with a former college classmate. We reminisced and caught up on many of our friends who now live all across the United States. One theme that kept coming up in our conversation was the number of divorces among our friends – many of them in ministry. My heart was once again broken. Broken by the lost families. Broken by the lost legacies. Broken by the pain of brokenness.

So how do we protect our marriage from the same tragic end?

Committed to the Covenant

The marriage relationship under God is a covenantal relationship. The Old Testament covenant was a binding contract. Nothing and no one could break it. They would take each other’s name, coat, and even each other’s first born. Their covenant would last all their life and even after their death to the next generation. This was serious stuff. That is what a marriage is designed to be – a forever bond, never to be broken. Sometimes we have to daily recommit to that covenant.

Intentional in Relationship

We live extremely busy lives with jobs, friends, children and their friends and activities, volunteering, and the list goes on. But after our relationship with God, we must focus on our relationship with our spouse. This doesn’t happen accidentally. You must be intentional – make plans, put it on your calendar. Do not let a day go by without some communication, touch, eye-to-eye contact. An “I love you.” Even if you are traveling and apart, we have so many ways today to connect. Stay connected to your love. Don’t let time pass without meaningful connection, or you may lose contact completely. To know each other – those growing and changing people you are – you must stay close to one another daily.

Run From Temptations

We are inundated with temptations everyday. Through the media alone we see images that can lead us to think on others above our own spouse. We say you need to protect the eye-gate and the ear-gate. What are you watching, reading, listening to that will pull your thoughts away from your love and focus on someone else – real or imaginary.

Then there are the temptations around our time. When we allow ourselves to spend an abundance of time with the opposite sex who is not our spouse, we open up a door that can be difficult to shut. An emotional attachment can develop that we are fooled into believing is love. Then our thoughts, actions, and even our heart are pulled away from the only person we should be focusing on – our spouse. Run away. Set boundaries – in the media and in real person – that will protect your mind and heart from even considering another person.

Accountability

Meet with a person of the same sex who you trust regularly to talk about boundaries and temptations. Have them hold you accountable to keeping your spouse absolutely number one. Give them permission to call you and check in with you to see how you are doing. Your spouse needs to have a same sex accountability partner, as well. You may choose to have more than one – locally and out of state – in your job and in your church or club you belong to. That way you have eyes and ears helping to protect you wherever you are.

Protecting your marriage must be done with eyes wide open. Working together, you can guard your marriage for a long, joyful life together.

How are you doing in protecting your marriage?

~Jim and Jerolyn