What Every Daughter Needs From Her Dad

Aug 25, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Focused Attention

Spend time and listen. Be present! Absentee dads are an epidemic even with those of us who are still part of the family unit…we are just gone way too much, or physically present but sadly, emotionally we are “outta here.”

Value her and tell her she is valuable-tell her how beautiful she is and that you know she really is beautiful in so many ways. Often a young woman will not like much about her look, hair, body shape, etc. She needs to hear from her daddy how beautiful God made her both inside and out. It is so important for my girls to know that their daddy thinks they really are created in a most beautiful and wonderful way. Each of our girls are different but honestly, they may look like me but as I tell others it looks a whole lot better on them than it does on me. Our girls really are beautiful externally, but so much of that beauty I believe comes from their incredible inner beauty. Does your daughter hear that from you and know you, as the main male figure in their life (until they marry), see it, speak it, and say it often to them?

A dad’s love and approval

One question I started asking our youngest daughter specifically, “What for you would make me be the best dad I can be in your life?”

Someone several years ago said that children cross over in needing approval from opposite sex parent. The girl needs this from their dad and the son needs this from their mom. We believe this is true, but Jerolyn and I again recently discussed this and believe it is more so for girls and their dads. If she doesn’t find approval and acceptance for who she is from her dad, she will definitely look for it in another man or boy. From whom do you want your daughter to receive attention, approval and affirmation? I know I want it to come from me until they find a strong, secure man to simply affirm what their daddy has been communicating for years. They begin to look for someone in a different way, rather than approval, they become very “selective” in who can even “qualify” to date them. I like that as a dad.

Continuing to show love to her, helping her see her value and worth, and communicating how wonderful she is and proud of her I am speaks volumes into the lives and personhood of your daughter. Dads, it really does mean so much coming from you. They need it and you need to speak it and show it! They really are amazing and incredible in so many ways. Find those and celebrate them.

Date your daughter

Men, find those things they like to do and enjoy it with them. I use to do McDates back in the day until my girls began to develop a much higher palate of finer foods in life. Recently, I was privileged to go on a date with our youngest who is 19. I again reiterated and demonstrated the way in which any young man should treat her. I did wash the car and left the house only to return to ring the doorbell and meet her and her mother at the front door. We had a wonderful time of conversation while dining at one of our nicer restaurants in Sacramento…suffice to say it was NOT a “McDate,” and any “boy” out there that thinks they can get away with that early on with my daughter better think again. That isn’t me; that will come from her. By the way, her mom and I have told her for several years that she needs to find someone who makes good money just from her finer tastes in good food.

Even when they are young date them to give them attention and time. Spending time with them is invaluable and if you schedule it early on it creates the value that they are a priority, important, and helps them receive love, correction, and instruction from you as their dad. Date your daughter and show them what it is to have someone care for them, celebrate them, and enjoy being with them. It will speak so much into who they are as a woman and what to expect from a young man when it is time for them to date. If your daughter is older don’t regret if you haven’t done this, start now and invest in your relationship with her…it will make a difference.

How can you better be the dad your daughter needs?

~Jim and Jerolyn