The Value of Purity

Oct 14, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

We were in one of our church’s small group Bible studies several years ago now, and it was Christmas time. We chose at the time to keep our kids in the group with us during the discussion.

We were talking through the very familiar Christmas story from one of the scripture passages. Without giving a second thought, someone was reading a passage out loud about Mary being a virgin.

Our son, who was quite young at the time spoke up and asked, “What’s the big deal about Mary being a virgin?” There was a young couple attending that had not started a family yet. We all kind of looked at each other, and I said something to the young husband like, “Why don’t you tell him?” We laughed. Well, I think I nervously laughed, as I realized, and they verbalized, “Well Jim, guess you will need to explain that one later.”

It was time to have The Talk.  We had talked before and had given as much information as necessary for each of our children to understand and know about sex and purity, but this was another step in the discussion.

So, after the group finished and all others headed home, I went upstairs to our son’s room before bed. Not the bedtime story I thought I would be giving, but a part of the parenting process. We discussed, and he seemed to understand. We later had much more involved discussions about sex, intimacy, and purity along his journey, but especially more detailed and mature discussions on his legacy trip.

Yes, it was funny and a bit awkward for everyone that night in the group, but it was a part of the process of raising children. It was a natural part of the process. It became another great teaching moment. It was another subject of many that we needed to teach to our children. This subject, over all the other values, seems to draw the biggest challenge for most parents — awkwardness for both parent and child — and the one most easy to avoid. It is okay, and most, if not all, parents struggle with this. Just don’t let the fear, embarrassment, or awkwardness prevent you from making this a priority conversation or teaching time.

First, how do you talk to your children and look for opportunities to discuss, teach, and help train them in a variety of areas?

Secondly, what about specifically discussing sex and purity?

We attempted to make this a part of our conversations when appropriate, and committed to doing our best to teach them. We didn’t always do it right or well, but we didn’t shy away from or avoid basically any subject.

How comfortable are you in communicating to your children when it comes to purity, specifically sexual purity? How about sex in general?

Purity is one of our core values and is not only about sex, but is more than that. It involves what we see, listen to, and think about.

What ways are you teaching and modeling for your children to live a life of purity?

How can you create an environment of safety for your children to ask most any question?

~ Jim