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Sep 4, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

When was the last time you were on a date? I’m talking to the married couples. When was the last time? Before the wedding? Before the kids? Last week or last year? Recently, I asked a friend this question and she couldn’t remember the last time she and her husband were on a date.

What are some of the reasons we neglect to go on a date with our spouse?

• Can’t afford it.
• Don’t have time.
• Can’t pay for a baby-sitter.
• Have to work.
• Too tired.

If you had used these excuses before you were married, that wedding would never have happened.

When we are courting a spouse, we want to impress them and make them feel extra special – someone who we really take time for. So why does that stop after we are married? Sleeping next to each other 6 hours a night does not constitute quality time together. Even though sleep-dating is more economical, it doesn’t do much for building a relationship.

You chose to marry because you decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this one person. A priority then must be to continually learn who they are. The only way to make that happen is by spending quality time together.

We have 3 kinds of dates – weekly, quarterly, and annually. These are in addition to our daily conversations.

Weekly: Spend purposeful, special one-on-one time together. You can go out or stay in, and it doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. We love to save up for a favorite restaurant or get a Groupon or Living Social deal to cut the cost. But when our children were little, we couldn’t afford a babysitter. So we got Chinese take-out, a video, and put the kids to bed early. We in essence transformed our own home into a dinner theater for two. Today, our favorite spot is on our back patio with the fountain running. We will sit together and talk around the world and back. We share our dreams, our desires, and our hopes. We talk about our children, our ministry, and always with a lot of laughter sprinkled in.

Quarterly: Get away for a night or two. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but away – even if you are just house-sitting for a friend. You may need to save up for it, but it is worth it. One time when the kids were young, Jim and I were given a trip to the Monterey Peninsula. We were gone exactly 48 hours. When we got back to town, we ran into some friends. They said, “Did you just get back from vacation? You both look so rested and refreshed.” It’s amazing what 48 hours with the person you love can do for your marriage and your health.

Annually: This one is all about the conversation. We dress up and go to a nice restaurant. Then we have a state-of-the-marriage discussion. In loving honesty we share what is going well in our marriage and what we need to work on. Egos are definitely checked at the door. This conversation is not about two individuals, but about a couple working together to have the best marriage possible.

Dates are important. Don’t put them off. You schedule work appointments, car maintenance, and dental checkups. Your marriage is far more important than any of those. Make dating your spouse a priority. Without that focused time, it’s too easy to forget why you chose to marry this person in the first place. Don’t let that happen.

When is your next date? Leave a comment and let us know your favorite kind of dates?

~Jerolyn