A Forever Choice

May 28, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

The other day I ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen for a while. When I asked how he was doing, his response was very despondent.  His marriage had ended, and he was back out trying to date. His discouragement came from meeting so many damaged people hurt by spouses who had been unfaithful. And they all call themselves Christians.

Where are we going wrong? How is it that so many people are destroying their marriages?

I’m afraid that many couples, unfortunately, have started to see their marriages as a contract. And contracts can be broken. Look at all the sports contracts, Hollywood contracts, and business contracts we see broken or renegotiated every day. You are not happy with a point in the contract? Make a new one. There is no promise connected with a contract anymore.

Or let’s talk about our upgrade society. How many things in our life can be upgraded? Cell phones, TVs, houses, cars, Internet service, computer…. I could go on all day. So has this upgrade mentality infiltrated our idea of marriage? My spouse isn’t meeting my present needs, so I’ll upgrade. My spouse is looking a little old and worn out; I’ll upgrade. My spouse and I have grown apart; I’ll get a replacement model. We have allowed our cultural trend to infect areas of our life that are sacred and must remain pure of societal influence.

Marriage is not a contract that can be renegotiated or upgraded. It is a covenant that is never to be broken – truly a “till death do us part” commitment. If you study Old Testament covenants, you will find that they were absolutely binding. Surrounded by rituals and reminders of the covenant, those involved would rather die than think of breaking a covenant. It is a forever promise that you will be bound together from this moment on.

That kind of covenant commitment begins with a choice and then takes a lot of work. A strong, healthy marriage involves choosing to be the best husband or wife you can be and then living it out in humility, generosity, grace, and unconditional love. You are no longer an individual living just for your own desires. You are now a part of team that must be working together pulling on the same side of the rope. Every decision must have the marriage in mind first and the individuals second. A man and a woman in a covenant marriage work together so that they, as a couple, win.

Decide if you are living in a covenant marriage:

• Do you ever toy with the idea of getting out of the marriage?
• Do you make decisions just based on how they affect you personally?
• Is your happiness your priority?
• Do you compare your spouse to others and believe your spouse is lacking?
• Do you see more flaws in your spouse than in yourself?
• Do you always have to have your way?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may not be in the mindset of a covenant marriage. Choose today to live a marriage of absolute commitment/unconditional love and build a covenant marriage that is forever.

~Jerolyn