Complete Abandon

Apr 18, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

The other day I was watching a news report on people walking tight ropes up on high cliffs over Rio de Janeiro. My palms were sweaty just watching them. They are extreme adrenaline junkies who love the high they get from doing this. They have become very accomplished and knowledgeable about how to do it safely. They did say they learned a lot from trial and error. Obviously, the error wasn’t too tragic.

And then, I noticed the safety leash attached to their ankle and the rope.

Now don’t get me wrong, even with the leash, these young daredevils have to have a lot of guts to walk across a tiny rope that high above the ground. I give them kudos for that. But spying the leash did lesson the dramatic effect. They hadn’t committed fully to the danger experience.

Most of the time we go into relationships with a leash around our ankle not ready to commit fully. And in the beginning that makes perfectly good sense. We must be guarded for a time to learn about each other; to be sure the other person is trustworthy; to see if they are people of integrity; to find out if they truly have my interests at heart. Nothing wrong with that. We have all been hurt by people that we have trusted too quickly, so we learn to show some caution.

But too often, we leave the leash on indefinitely.

Now there are different levels of relationships and not many will see us completely vulnerable. And that’s okay. We don’t have to trust everyone with every little detail about our life. That’s just unrealistic. So let’s look at our deepest relationships including marriage.

Part of a true relationship, especially the marriage relationship, is trusting the other person with the full knowledge of who we are. We have to let them in to see everything, including our dirty laundry. Love that can’t see the full picture cannot truly love fully.

Too often we have met couples that just never share their lives with one another. Is it from fear, insecurity, or pride? They keep their thoughts and desires hidden from the one person they should be able to open up to completely. This simply creates a wall that blocks growing closer to one another in the relationship. As we mature as a person, we are going to change. I am definitely not the same person Jim married almost 28 years ago. So if we are not honestly sharing with our spouse, they will not be part of the process of change and that can cause a couple to drift apart as strangers.

How can we avoid that drift? Learn to:

• Share your heart.
• Be vulnerable.
• Listen without judging.
• Grow together – accepting and appreciating the changes as they happen.

If you have been guarded in your marriage, it’s time to detach the leash.

How can you build more trust in your marriage?

~Jerolyn