Integrity: Being Loyal

Jan 18, 2017 by

Integrity: Being Loyal

One of our family values is Integrity. It is one of our 6 values that we chose to identify and name for our family, although we were already practicing this value. As a part of the Integrity value, loyalty is one of the key identifiers for us as to implementing and living out this value along with a strong work ethic and honesty.

Lauren, our oldest child who is now grown and married, modeled this so well in her friendships that other friends would literally use this word to describe her.

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Rite of Passage

Jun 22, 2016 by

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I met a woman at a meeting last week who recently sent her 14-year-old daughter on a rite of passage trip with her grandparents. They were headed to Italy.

Mom was experiencing a lot of anxiety – from her daughter being gone from her…… to her wanting her daughter to do well with the grandparents…. to her experiencing all she needed to experience on this trip. Mom even sent two questions with her daughter to help her in times of frustration.

But Mom’s biggest question? Have I’ve done right in raising my daughter?

Everyone asks himself or herself the same question. The last thing we want to leave is the legacy of failed parenting. Even though we know there is only so much we can do, (that pesky free will.) we still bear the huge responsibility of modeling the right life for our children and training them in how to live.

  • Are you and your family living intentionally?
  • Are you all aiming for the same goal and on the same page with how to get there?

We would love to help you with your child’s legacy trip. Learn more here.

~Jim and Jerolyn

 

 

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Raising Independent Adults

Feb 22, 2016 by

 

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Our youngest child is now 21 years old. She’s just graduating from college this spring, and Jim and I are asking ourselves this question:

Did we raise her to be self-sufficient?

I think we as parents can in many ways enable our children to depend upon us – especially the youngest one. I know I certainly didn’t with my oldest. I was putting her to work helping me with the younger ones at an early age. I think she learned everything about life before she was 12.

It’s so easy to baby the baby. Maybe they seem more vulnerable than the others. Or maybe we just need to keep being needed. And then there are some kids who are ready to break away no matter what we as parents are doing.

So when and how do we prepare our children to face the details of life?

The answer to the when depends on the child. Some children/teenagers are able to take on more than others at an earlier age. The real answer is probably as early as possible. And for some parents, that may be earlier than we feel comfortable. But the point is not to wait for our comfort to be sure our children are prepared.

The how is simple – model, train, watch, release.

First, we must be modeling the behaviors and skills we need to pass on to our children. Now they don’t need to watch me pay the bills when they are 9 or 10. But they can watch me cook or mow the lawn to learn those skills. Each skill we model needs to be made known to our children at an appropriate age for them to grasp the concept if not the actual practice of the skill.

Secondly, we train. There comes a point where we need to have them start to take some of the responsibility. But for them to do that, we need to instruct them on how to do it – verbally. Having simply watched us perform a skill does not always translate into the step-by-step process. Now is the time for that instruction.

Next, let them take the reigns. You can still watch them move through the skill. But this is your time for hands off. They need to hear your encouragement and sometimes your critique. But the key in this step is to let them act independently. They will not do it perfectly or maybe not up to your standards in the beginning. But with time, they will build proficiency and competency.

Lastly, release them. We always say parents should raise their kids to release them. After all, that is the definition of independent. Let them go knowing that they will do some things the way you taught them and some to their own rhythm. But ultimately, they can now move through life on their own two feet.

We often say, we raised our children to release them. Did we? Are you?

~Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

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Repost: Intentional Parenting

Jan 19, 2016 by

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Recently, Jerolyn and I were privileged to teach and lead a parenting conference in Texas. Here is some of what was said by those who attended…

“We must be intentional parents if we hope to leave our children a legacy of Christian values that they take with them as they grow and start their own families.”

“One of the things we liked was the emphasis on discipleship, and we think we will be much more intentional about living a legacy for our children to follow.”

“After our discussion, both (of our children) were excited about creating a poster with “our family values” and could not wait to pick out a prominent wall on which to display them!  This in itself is an exciting development and one that got (my wife) and I motivated to ensure we continue to model the values to our children.”

Did you catch that more than one person mentioned the intentionality of parenting and having a plan. We love it.

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My Children Taught Me ….

Apr 8, 2015 by

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My girls have said for years that Shay, our son, is my favorite child. Well, of course I have vehemently denied that allegation. A mother equally loves all her children. No favorites.

But I started wondering what would make them say that. And then it occurred to me – Shay is the child God gave to comfort me after a miscarriage. He was born 11 months later. Therefore, I suppose he has always received a double portion of a mother’s love. And he continues to give me comfort through his heart for family, the power of his words when he speaks or writes spoken word, the integrity of hard work that marks his life. Even through his quiet strength.

I am amazed how God teaches something about Himself through our children. Through the gift of Shay, I experienced my Lord as my comforter.

So what did I learn about God from the other two?

Lauren is our firstborn. When we learned of her eminent arrival, we had just decided that I would attend graduate school, and we would wait to have children for six years. Hello! God had a different plan. I even tried to go to school after she was born and that didn’t work out. I decided baby now; school can come later. What did I learn about my Lord? He directs our lives if we will only pay attention. And His way is good. I was designed for a very specific purpose and those paths I was choosing were not it.

So then there is Gabrielle Esther, our baby. From the time she could first really talk, she has made us laugh. She is truly one of the funniest people I know. And she revealed to me the delight of my Father. We love to laugh because He created laughter. Therefore, He must laugh, too. Won’t it be fun one day to hear the Father laugh? And what do you think He sounds like?

Comfort, design, and laughter. Three beautiful truths about my Lord delivered through three beautiful people. There are so many more aspects of our Lord I have learned through my children, but these are the ones I am thankful for today.

Revelations about our Father are revealed all around us every day if we just pay attention. What a blessing to receive those glimpses of our Lord through our children.

What have you learned from your children?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

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