How to Measure Your Marriage

Oct 16, 2014 by

couple on date


I was recently reading an article on using business metrics in your marriage to gauge how you are doing in your relationship. While it doesn’t sound very romantic or have very many warm fuzzies, the idea has merit. After all, if we are wanting to accomplish something, i.e. a healthy, vibrant marital relationship, then how do we know we are heading that way if we don’t have some measurable dashboards along the way.

One couple uses a life wheel (see inset picture). You can make each piece of the pie a different area of your marriage. Some possible categories are:blank-wheel

  • Emotional support
  • Intimacy
  • Face time
  • Dating
  • Meeting needs

Then once you have agreed on your categories, you rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10 and compare your answers. If one or both of you is dissatisfied in a particular area of your marriage, you then know how to focus some of your time and attention.

If you do this every quarter or so, you are making a conscious, intentional effort to move forward in your relationship rather than just hoping it will happen.

For years we have done a State of the Marriage date. It’s based on the State of the Union address the president gives every February. But ours is much more interesting.

We go out to dinner and have an open discussion about our marriage. You have to pray about this before you go because you are in a very vulnerable position. You may be thinking you are doing well, but then find out your spouse is dissatisfied. You need to be prepared to be:

  1. Humble
  2. Non-defensive
  3. Gracious
  4. And ready to discuss changes.

This can be a difficult conversation, but one that can also affirm your relationship and help it grow to new levels.

You chose one another to live with for the rest of your life. Being intentional in growing a healthy, loving relationship needs to take a high priority position. Choose to make time to invest in your marriage so it will not only last, but last well.

When will you discuss the life wheel and/or have a state of the marriage date?

~ Jim and Jerolyn



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