Abnormal Expressions of Love

Mar 19, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

The other day one of us actually cooked dinner. Now with our kids out of the house we often find some things to eat, go grab something to bring home, or cook an item or two and make it work. Jerolyn has cooked for so long, still enjoys it, but as many know it is different without kids, along with travel, meetings, dinner appointments and the like. When home together we still try to make moments of dinner together at the table or out on the patio. Jerolyn still likes to cook and does a great job, so often she will prepare something wonderful, but even when we each find something to eat or pick it up to bring home, the relationship time, conversation, and connection is wonderful. Probably still one of the most important times of the day for families to connect.

But what we want to focus on today is doing something for someone else. Okay, let’s confess, I found a recipe I thought Jerolyn would like, bought the ingredients, and made dinner. I hardly ever cook and if it is my turn, I try to find out what I can buy and bring home. What is it that you do not often do that would communicate love to your spouse? What is something they enjoy or appreciate if you did the chore for them or willingly and gladly joined them on an adventure?

Some practical and basic thoughts on ways to show love and care: If you are not the one who normally….

We gave you the first one already, if you are not the one who normally cooks dinner, cook dinner. Find something the other one enjoys and create a masterpiece, or at least a muddled mess.

If you normally are not the one who…

• Mows the lawn or takes out the trash, you do it for them.
• Does the laundry
• Makes the bed
• Takes out the trash
• Buys the groceries
• Helps the kids with homework or other needs of the children
• Washes the car
• Initiates the conversation or initiates anything elseJ, you be the one to do any of these. You get the idea.

Also, what about by design doing something that the other likes and enjoying the adventure with them? We want to do something that we both like, but too often we hear of couples who don’t like something, so they refuse to take or go with the spouse on the activity.

A couple of disclaimers or clarifiers here:

It’s a wonderful gift to allow your spouse to go with friends to do something they like. We don’t have to do everything together and sometimes the gift is sending them off to enjoy the movie or hobby with others, but taking in a play or riding along in a cart while the other plays golf is a beautiful act of joining your spouse in their passion. (Jerolyn periodically goes to the golf course with me and reads a book while I play, and I LOVE IT. It does express love to me, and I love being with her). These actions speak volumes of love to your spouse by enjoying them while they enjoy something they like.

Also, on the list above, if your spouse does one of those things that you normally do, they will not do it like you or as well as you. Receive the attempt and appreciate the love expressed. Finally, find out if doing something like one of these actions would bother your spouse rather than speaking love. We know of stories where a spouse cleans up an office or rearranges a garage or space, and the other spouse really liked it the way it was. On both sides just be sensitive and aware.

What is a simple expression of love you can demonstrate to show your spouse how much you love them? Try it, they will love you for it…we think. Leave a comment and let us know your ideas….

~Jim