Marriage Values: Unwavering Support, Part 1

Feb 3, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

This week we will discuss the 5^th of seven values from our book, Faith Legacy for Couples: Seven Values to Shape Your Marriage. Check out our previous posts on 4 of our other values – Absolute Commitment and Unconditional Love, Part 1 and 2, Love God and One Another, Part 1 and 2, Honest Communication, Part 1 and 2, and Cherish and Respect, Part 1 and 2. ~ J & J

 

Unwavering Support:

The marriage relationship is like no other partnership. In your job, ministry, or community service, you may have a partner who has the same business goals as you have. You work daily to complete the steps to reach those goals. You make adjustments along the way to refocus the goal or to make the process more effective. But that is where your partnership ends.

Maybe you have thought of your marriage as a partnership – but this partnership needs its own definition.

A marriage is not two people walking parallel paths. Instead, it’s two people walking the same path arm in arm, heading toward the same goals, running the same race.

read more

Marriage Values: Cherish and Respect, Part 2

Jan 8, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

On Tuesday, we talked about the value of Cherish and Respect. Today, let’s look at some practical ways to show those values to your spouse.

Since each couple is unique, we’ll go about this through a series of questions. If each of you take the time to think through the answers for your spouse, you will have some ideas on how to show cherish and respect to your husband/wife.

Together: Begin by sitting down together and asking each other two questions.

Men: “What are 5 things I do that show you that I cherish you?”

Women: “What are 5 things that I do that show you that I respect you?”

Both: “What should I stop doing because I am not cherishing/respecting you?” (If they struggle with 5 things, ask them what you could do to show cherish/respect.) This conversation may be more than one sitting. Be thoughtful in your answers to your spouse so they can know what speaks clearest to you.

Once you have a list of ways your spouse receives cherish and respect, then you need to ask yourself the following questions.

• When am I going to do these specific actions for my spouse? (List dates and times. Be very specific. Then put it on your calendar.)
• What do I need to stop doing that is not cherishing or honoring to my spouse?
• Who do I need to tell to hold me accountable to these action steps I want to take to cherish/respect my spouse?

Another question I would like to add in here for both of you is, “What is your spouse’s love language and how can you meet it?” If you are unfamiliar with the term “love language,” read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Chicago: Northfield, 2010). When you are meeting your spouse’s love language, they will feel cherished and respected. This is one avenue of meeting their need.

Once you start taking deliberate steps to cherish and respect, then set a time in 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months to sit down and evaluate how you are each doing. Make adjustments. Rinse and repeat.

By making an effort to cherish your wife or respect your husband, you take giant strides toward a healthy, loving, and selfless marriage.

~Jim and Jerolyn

 

read more

Marriage Values: Cherish and Respect, Part 1

Jan 6, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

As it’s the first full week of the month, we will again go over one of the values from our marriage book, Faith Legacy for Couples: Seven Values to Shape Your Marriage. If you’ve not caught the first three, you can read Absolute Commitment & Unconditional Love, Part 1 and Part 2; Love God and One Another, Part 1 and Part 2; and Honest Communication, Part 1 and Part 2.

Cherish and Respect is probably one of the most important topics we will talk on for marriage. And we aren’t the only ones who think so. Many others have written whole books on the subject. It’s that important.

The idea is based around Ephesians 5:33.

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Interestingly, this verse addresses some very basic needs of men and women.

Men: Tend to desire respect even over love. In one national study, 400 men were asked to choose between 2 negative situations – being alone and unloved or feeling inadequate and disrespected. In this study, 74% chose to be alone and unloved. That is how much men desire respect.

When it comes to a marital relationship, a wife’s respect is a driving force in a man. When he feels that his wife believes in him and acknowledges his accomplishments or at least his attempts, then he feels love. Without that respect, his role as a husband is empty and meaningless.

Women: Want to be cherished. The love that the word, cherish implies touches a women on the deepest level.  To be cherished is to be even more than loved. You feel special, prized, adored. Jim pictures to cherish as placing Jerolyn on a shelf and not letting anyone touch her. But she is there to be admired and adored. Jerolyn, however, sees it differently. To be cherished is to have Jim’s arms totally wrapped around her in a protective, but not smothering posture. Knowing he will allow only good to reach her and will do whatever he has to do to keep away the bad.

The ways we view respect and cherish may vary even within the same gender. The important question is:

“Am I meeting my husband’s need for respect?” or “Does my wife know how much I cherish her?”

On Thursday, we will explore some practical ways to show respect and cherish to our spouse.

~Jim and Jerolyn

 

read more