Beyond Lip Service

Jan 15, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Several years ago when the kids were small, we were visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Ohio. One day while I was watching my nephew’s baseball game, our two oldest, Lauren and Shay, were playing tag in the beautiful park in which the ball field sat. Giant oaks filled the park with wonderful places to escape from being tagged. Suddenly a piercing scream filled the park.  It was my son. When I got to Shay, blood was pouring from his face. He had been running full-tilt from his sister. Turned to look back to see where she was. Then turned forward again to meet an oak tree head on.

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Marriage Value: Love God & One Another, Part 2

Nov 6, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

On Tuesday, November 5th, we began this blog. Here is the rest of the story.

So how will this help my marriage?

Think about the number of problems that arise in every marriage. It is the foundation of every argument, every hurt feeling, and every divorce.

Selfishness.

Every action we take the causes a block in our relationship with our spouse is centered in selfishness. Now maybe only one spouse is being selfish at a time. For example, she gets angry at him over watching too much football. It’s either because she is selfish over demanding everything to center on her, OR he is selfishly ignoring her to satisfy his own desires. Another example is finances – one spouse thinks the money should be spent on the bills and debt reduction while the other wants to blow it on luxuries and entertainment.

These are just a couple of examples of selfishness in marriage when many examples can occur every single day.

So how do we improve our marriage?

Focus on your relationship with God. If I am living a holy, selfless life that is pleasing to God, I am going to live out a life that is more “other-focused” rather than “me-focused.” It is His love within me that will help me to fight against the selfish temptations of the enemy if I’m paying attention. On my own, I will choose self too many times.

How do we remain focused on God? First through the discipline of simple habits.

Reading His Word daily. Whether you meditate on one verse or several chapters, His Word is our main link to who He is. If we neglect reading the Word, we are refusing one of the avenues to hear His voice. It’s like having a marriage where only one person does all the talking.

Prayer – talking and listening – focused and throughout the day. Many people tell me, “Well, I just pray continuously as I go through my day.” And that is wonderful. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. But when do you listen? It’s difficult to listen to God when we are busy tending to the demands of our life. The Father deserves our focused attention, as well. Taking time to sit quietly before the throne will give us answers to our many questions and create time and space for truly deepening our relationship with the Lord.

Worship – private and corporate: Gathering together with a like-minded group of people to worship, discuss The Word, an challenge each other to a deeper walk and service will strengthen your relationship with the Father. But for effective worship to occur in a group, you must begin by having personal worship. You don’t just eat one meal a week; you’d starve. So also we can’t just meet once a week to be fed from the Word and walk away ignoring worship the rest of the week. Spend time with the Lord – sing, dance, sit in silence and solitude. Worship

Service – Finally, seek ways to serve the Lord — in a local church body and outside of it. God has blessed you with gives and talents. It’s your job to figure out what those are and then incorporate them into your daily life of serving others. The Lord said that we have served Him when we serve His people. Find ways in every encounter to be a servant for the Lord.

All of these are ways to deepen your love relationship with the Father. They also strengthen your love relationship with your spouse. When you get your life in line with the Lord, you are a better companion and mate to your spouse. You may not be completely selfless, but as you remain closer to the Lord, you certainly are less selfish.

As you grow in the habits personally, learn to incorporate them into your marriage relationship. You can read the Word, pray, worship and serve together. A beautiful connection happens between a husband and wife when they share in their relationship with the Lord.

• How are your personal spiritual habits? Are you growing more and more in love with the Lord every day?
• In what ways are you sharing in the habits with your spouse? How can you do better?
• How can you serve with your spouse or even practice by serving your spouse?

~Jim and Jerolyn

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Marriage Value: Love God & One Another, Part 1

Nov 4, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

In our marriage book, Faith Legacy for Couples: Seven Values to Shape Your Marriage, we give seven values that are the foundation of our marriage. We strongly believe that to have a marriage that is healthy and growing, you must live it together based on shared values.

On September 30^th and October 2^nd, we discussed the first value, “absolute commitment and unconditional love.” This week, we will look at the second value which will explore the spiritual connection and growth in a marriage – love God and one another.

We believe the greatest stabilizer to a marriage relationship is when both the husband and the wife are living in relationship with God. To be in relationship with Him, you must deny self, take up your cross daily, and follow Him. That act of pursuing a relationship with God forces you to surrender your selfish ways. You see, selfishness is the basis of all sin.

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What 60 Years of Marriage Looks Like – Part 2

Sep 16, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

Marriage is like a beautiful tapestry. It has form, texture, and color. It takes many years to construct a masterpiece and usually more than one set of hands. The vision for your marriage is the picture you have formed in your minds together as a couple. Maybe it will be for 40 years or 60 years. However, long you are together, you can continually work to make that picture a reality.

In Part 1 I addressed the way we can grow individually to fulfill the vision for our marriage. We must be diligent in our own growth to be a balanced partner with another person.

Here I will talk about how we can work together as a couple to finish painting the picture we have in mind for our marriage.

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What 60 Years of Marriage Looks Like – Part 1

Sep 11, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

Yesterday, Jim, our son, Shay, his wife, Haley, and I went to breakfast at a local café. It was a quaint little place with a toy train that continuously circled the rooms on a high shelf. As I looked around the café, I noticed a little elderly couple sitting across the room. He was dressed in a sharply pressed maroon dress shirt and slacks. She was wearing a Kelly Green suit with a matching tam on her head. They sat side-by-side at the table and both had their napkins tucked into the tops of their shirts to protect their clothes.

I quietly asked the waitress about them. She said they were in the café every day and always dressed to the nines. She called them a very sweet couple and said that the wife often asked about the cook and even went back into the kitchen to greet him.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of this beautiful couple. They were so dignified and yet so “at home” with each other. I didn’t see them talk once, but their silence communicated something special between them – a familiarity, a comfort, a oneness.

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