Why Couples Must Communicate

May 28, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

A couple of weeks ago at our marriage conference, a couple told us they took our Friday night “homework” to heart. They spent 2 hours discussing the topic we had assigned. This young, married, parents of a 3-year-old later told us that couldn’t remember the last time they had an uninterrupted 2-hour conversation.

We hear this again and again. Couples will take the time to discuss the basics of life – household needs, who’s taking the kids where, and what’s for dinner. But when it comes to meaningful conversation, they are falling short.

In other words, we have a bunch of men and women living as roommates/co-parents and missing out on the joys of a marital relationship because they never talk. Truly talk.

read more

Marriage Values: Honest Communication, Part 2

Dec 4, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

On Tuesday we talked about the value of Honest Communication. So today we want to look more at the strategy of implementing this value. What can we do to make sure Honest Communication is happening?

When we were dating, we didn’t go to movies. This is so often the thing to do. Now we often go to movies, and they are fun dates, but one of the benefits of not going to a movie and choosing to engage in other kinds of dates, was communication. I mean we began to have deeper dialogue, getting to know one another, and listening to each other’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations. We now choose those kinds of dates to make sure we are staying connected with deeper communication.

The strategy of dialogue helps us in this value by learning to listen. Jerolyn has always been good at asking questions, but we have both gotten much better at it. Learning to ask good questions has helped us to care for one another more, and really listen better because we genuinely want to know what the other is processing for life.

We have chosen to break down dialogue into four sections- basic life communication, facing conflict, heart sharing, and dreaming together.  This works for us and we have found it is effective for others. You may choose to categorize differently or change this a little but in essence these cover the majority of conversations (verbal communication) that initiate and develop honest communication along with those non-verbal communication tools. Below is a short description of each:

read more

Marriage Values: Honest Communication, Part 1

Dec 2, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Bill Doherty said, “If a married couple with children has fifteen minutes of uninterrupted, non-logistical, non-problem-solving talk every day, I would put them in the top 5 % of all married couples. It’s an extraordinary achievement.”

15 minutes? Some of us are hoping for 15 seconds, and it is often not the fault of or caused by our children. What would you do with those 15 minutes of conversation? Would there be silence for 14:30 of that time, arguing, defending, or simply trying to get your point across, or would there be honest and open conversation and communication?

read more

Face-to-Face

Dec 6, 2012 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

The other day as I was sitting at a stoplight, a young mom with a stroller and an older woman walked through the crosswalk. The younger woman was chatting away animatedly and suddenly threw her hand up in the air illustrating her point with abandon while smiling from ear to ear. I have no idea what story she was telling, but I could easily see the theme of her tale – pure joy.

read more

Listen – Part 2: What Did You Say?

Nov 15, 2012 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

If you didn’t catch Part 1, read that blog post before proceeding…..

Done? Okay.

With some small children, getting them to talk has never been a problem. In fact, if you have that child, you are frantically searching for the blog on shutting your kid up. It seems like they will never be quiet. You all know those kids – or may have them.

In fact, I sat near one at a restaurant last week. He was an adorable 4-year-old that just wanted to have daddy’s complete attention and tell him everything under the sun – more than a couple of times. Dad patiently let him prattle on about whatever came into his mind and added an occasional response to his monologue. It was very sweet, and I’m sure that young dad had only a vague idea of the precious moment he was experiencing.

read more