2 Ways Your Job Can Kill Your Marriage

Aug 20, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

The other day I was reading an article on Inc.com called ‘My Wife Knows I’m Crazy and She Lives With It’ by Meg Cadoux Hirshberg. The story is about an entrepreneur who has a problem with almost never turning off his work brain. Get this, on the day of his wedding rehearsal, he was meeting with distributers. His fiancé didn’t see him until 4:00 p.m. that day. Fortunately, he married a very understanding woman and one who must love him a great deal.

How often has your job gotten in the way of your marriage? Or a better question may be how often have we allowed our job to get in the way of our marriage?

Now don’t get me wrong, you can’t use marriage and family as a reason to not work any more than you should use it as a reason to overwork. We’ve heard stories of people who said, “I can’t work too much this week because I need to spend time with my wife and children.” Then you can allow this to become an excuse and fall into the trap of just being lazy and not working hard in the responsibilities of your job.

There has to be a balance. If you work too much and never give time to your marriage, your spouse will become a virtual stranger. On the other hand, if you don’t work enough, you will lose your job and are not providing for your household. Both options could have dire consequences for your marriage.

So how do you avoid these extremes or at least keep them from affecting your marriage?

1. Remember there are seasons: When we began The River Church in 2000, Jim was gone a lot… he needed to be. We were building something from scratch and that takes a lot of time. Even though I was home with 3 children – 11, 9, and 6, I knew that this was just for a season; the time constraint would not last forever. So we were very intentional about making the times were did have as a family fun and meaningful. Quality versus quantity. There were a few times I had to reel Jim back in and say we needed him, but for the most part, he was free to do what needed to be done. Anyone can survive a tough season when you know it is for a limited time. Military families make it work all the time.

2. Communicate: Be sure you are very intentional about communicating between the two of you. When we began the church, Jim and I developed a habit we continue to this day. Every Sunday night we run through the week’s schedule so we know what each of us has every night. This was especially important when we had 3 children in sports along with our responsibilities with the church. Just knowing what was coming up and planning for it made the stress a lot less on our marriage. It might have been that I didn’t really see Jim for 3 days, but I knew day 4 was coming and looked forward to the break to reconnect.

Don’t let your job take control of your life. Do it responsibly and with integrity, but don’t forget your commitment to your spouse.

How do you find balance between work and your marriage/family?

~ Jim and Jerolyn

Resource: http://www.inc.com/meg-cadoux-hirshberg/tom-first-nantucket-nectars-work-life-balance.html#ixzz3A7UStwXM