What Every Child Needs, Part 3

Jul 28, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Last week we began a 4-part series on What Every Child Needs. You can read here the Tuesday and Thursday posts.

 

Speaking of instruction, as parents we believe we are very responsible to apply those biblical life principles to their lives.

This means we model more than we tell, for teaching and training to happen. Applying it to their lives is priority through us living it out in front of them.

Love this statement from Robert Fulghum, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”What are we showing our children? How are we teaching them to obey, learn responsibility, speak the truth, follow the rules, be polite, and on and on, if we are first not living this out before them ourselves?

Application comes from modeling as well as instructing. How are we applying God’s truth of life principles to them?

How are we teaching them respect of others? How are we showing them respect of others? What do we allow them to “get away” with or what attitude do we demonstrate in respect of others?

Patrick Murphy, head coach of University of Alabama softball says it well…“Uncoachable kids become unemployable adults. Let your kids get used to someone being tough on them. That’s life, get over it. “

Here is where you and I need to be relentless and strong. This is where we need to stand our ground and discipline. Jerolyn and I often say the greatest grace we have ever shown our children is when we discipline them. To leave them alone or ignore them when they do something wrong is not kindness; it is hurtful. Patrick Murphy says it well. We need to get over it when someone is tough on our kids. If we have been firm early on in their lives, they will appreciate it and gain value from it. We grow during the most difficult times.

Allow us to be clear; when we talk about appreciating, affirming, and applauding them, we are also including the discipline of discipline. There needs to be correction and instruction. The better we do this, the easier it is for our children to receive this when applied by others. We have all heard a parent needs to be a parent and not try to be best friends with your children. We have a lot of fun with our grown kids and believe the friend relationship is growing. When they were younger we had a lot of fun together, but there was a point where we needed to be the parent and not try to get them to just like us.

I remember vividly telling our son when he was 14, you need to have 14 year old friends. We will have fun together but I will always be your dad. That meant I needed to make sure we both understood and fulfilled our roles and responsibilities. It was never a popularity contest. By the way, as parents, you and I will almost always lose that one even when we try. Press into appropriate firmness and stand strong, don’t run from it.

Bill Graham said it this way, “A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.” So true and well said.

~Jim and Jerolyn