The Realities of Conscious Uncoupling

Jun 18, 2014 by



In March, actress, Gwyneth Paltrow announced in her blog, Goop, that she and husband, Chris Martin, had decided to consciously uncouple. I had never heard that phrase before so I looked into it.

Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami seemed to be the ones who have coined this concept. They sight that with the increase of life span since the Paleolithic Period, we cannot expect two people to stay together till “death do us part.” They state that with our life span, we will probably have 2-3 significant long-term relationships. They speak at length about the fact that we do not have exoskeletons and therefore are vulnerable to outside influences. (Yes, they compare us to insects.) Therefore, we need to build up the strength within ourselves.

They continue to state that when we are forced into a paradigm of marriage that is forever, we simply can’t do it. “The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone.” They contend that we need to see our marriages as a teacher/student relationship that is helping each of us to grow internally. Once we have reached all the growth we can from that relationship, we can move on positively because we each have benefitted from the relationship while it lasted.

There are so many flaws with this reasoning. But I suppose if you take God and His design out of the equation, I can understand the appeal. You are not locked into a relationship “forever.” You are guaranteed personal growth whether it is with your first spouse or your fourth. The amount of investment into the relationship is based on what you can get out of it. And when you “uncouple,” you will have both already agreed that a separation was a possibility, and you don’t need to use the “D” word that has such a stigma attached to it.

But this is not the Legacy that God has designed for His children.

  • He designed one man and one woman to be devoted to one another in a covenantal union for their entire lives.
  • We are made to receive our strength and growth not from within ourselves or from our spouse, but from the heavenly Father.
  • The realities of divorce is it is difficult and painful. It can be compared to ripping apart two pieces of paper that have been glued together. Each piece will never again be completely whole.

A marriage is a special, forever relationship that is simply not designed to be joined with an exit plan in mind. Conscious uncoupling was never in God’s plan. A side note, Gwyneth and Chris have gotten back together. I guess conscious uncoupling wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.



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