Parenting Roles, Part 2

May 19, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

On Tuesday, we listed 2 parenting roles we fulfill usually in particular stages of our children’s growth. Today we will cover the third role.

Consultant– We have all heard our parents say that parenting never stops. Even with us as grown children, they still worried about us, prayed for us, and we will forever be their kids no matter how old any of us get.

But with adult children we strongly believe the role needs to move to more of a consultant responsibility. If we have done our “jobs” well as parents, we have done our best to raise our kids to release them into society to be fully functioning adults making a positive difference and hopefully living lives that lead to a legacy of significance.

But as parents of adult children our roles have once again “morphed” into that of a consultant. We are no longer making decisions for them or even coaching on the sideline helping to call plays of choices, UNLESS they ask for it. A consultant doesn’t get the opportunity to speak into people’s lives or decisions unless invited.

Now, our kids don’t make the decisions we would have made in a variety of ways. I remember we didn’t make the same decisions our parents would have made either, but we release them to make the best decisions and receive the blessings or suffer the consequences of those choices. They may even make better decisions than us…we hope so. But we get to be involved in their lives when they invite us in and ask for input.

My dad would say to us, “If you do not want an answer or opinion, then don’t ask.” Our parents did not intrude on our lives even though I am sure they may have cringed at some of our decisions. We attempt to do the same with our adult children who are out on their own.

Jerolyn and I both attempt to “coach” our kids by asking questions and helping them make the best decision, but even then our kids have learned and will clearly tell us, “We don’t want you to coach us. We are asking for your input and consulting, so tell us what you think we should do.”

We serve as consultants in our parenting roles at this point and help guide them as best as we believe. They still make the decisions, but we get to be as involved as they choose. We have moved far away from “conductor” and simply try to be there for them when they want us involved.

Finally, at all times, parents must model for our children what it is to live our lives in the best way possible. We cannot expect them to simply do as we say and not as we do. We are an example. For us, as parents, we are to live out the values we desire to instill in our kids.  This is one parenting responsibility, and the most important, that is a constant, no matter what role we take on or the stage of life of our children. Model, train, instill, and live a life of significance as you demonstrate what it is to live these lives and make the best choices possible.

When do we need to move to the next role in our child’s life?

~Jim