How to Find the Right Person

Apr 30, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

In March we posted a blog posing the question, “Are you ready for a relationship? “ So if your answer to that question is yes, today we will tackle some thoughts on how you choose the right partner.

There are many schools of thought in choosing a partner. “Opposites attract” is probably the best known method. Find someone who is different from you and will balance you out. Another thought is in direct contract by finding someone who has all the same interests and likes you have. That way you have a commonality to build from.

We shoot for somewhere in the middle. You don’t have to be exactly alike, but there are some key points that a man and a woman must agree upon to make a relationship work.

1. You share the same faith. I’m not talking about denominations, although extremes can run into difficulties in choosing where to worship. You do need to believe in the same religion. The Scriptures command us to not be unequally yoked. There’s a very good reason for that. Plain and simply, it just doesn’t work very well. Being a follower of Christ is not a social club or hobby. It’s a way of life. If both spouses are not on the same page, they are living diametrically opposing lives. You can’t have unity – a vital component in a marriage – if your souls are pulling in different, if not opposite directions. Now you may be on different levels in spiritual maturity. That’s okay. We are all on different paths of growth and must learn to walk patiently with one another through the journey.

2. You share the same values. Not only must you have the same beliefs about God, but you need to have the same beliefs about life. What do you each value. For example, if one of you values truth-telling and the other sees nothing wrong with lying, then you are on a road to disaster. Deception is going to reign in this relationship, and you cannot even begin to build a foundation of trust. Or what if one of you values family, but the other doesn’t even like children. The very dynamics of your family’s future are extremely different and will only build resentment between the two of you.

3. Physical attraction. You thought we were going to leave this one out, didn’t you? Not at all. A physical relationship between a husband and wife is vital. It creates a spiritual bond between a man and a woman that is difficult to define with words, but screams loudly in the relationship if it doesn’t exist. God gave us sex as a gift – to procreate and for enjoyment. If you are not attracted to your spouse, you are missing out on an important component of a meaningful, loving relationship.

A secular worldview would probably begin with #3, physical attraction, take a cursory glance at #2 and completely bypass #1 as a personal and private choice. Granted, an initial physical attraction will get the relationship started, but cannot be the foundation. In seeking a biblical relationship, we must establish our priorities in seeking a mate. Once we have that straight, we spend less time floundering through empty relationship after empty relationship. The elimination process becomes much clearer before we even begin. Then, we can focus in on finding the spouse that God intended for us to have in a covenantal relationship that is both right and exciting.

Take some time to write out your beliefs, your values, and what kind of person you are attracted to. Then be purposeful in your dating/courting relationships.

If you are already married, begin today to correct these three areas to become the person who best fits your spouse.

~ Jerolyn