No Bones About It!!

Apr 9, 2014 by



Recently, I was watching a popular TV show, Bones, and Bones was telling Booth, her husband, about a co-worker who had been hitting on her. You could see the green eyes of jealousy come out on Booth’s face.  Bones looked at him and declared, “We are a clown fish and an anemone.” He didn’t find this very reassuring until she explained.

The clown fish is a brightly colored fish who can attract many predators. They hide in the stinging-tentacled sea-flowering plant called an anemone. The tentacles never sting the clown fish, so it is the perfect protection for him.

But the anemone is not completely altruistic. The clown fish scares away polyp-eating fish and their feces provides fertilizer to the anemone. The two are almost completely dependent on one another for their survival. In fact, their relationship is an almost perfect symbiosis.

“You see,” Bones said, “I can’t live without you. We are totally tied to one another. Why would I risk my own life with you for one little dalliance with another man? That just makes no sense. I love you, Booth.”

How many marriages would be saved if we all saw our marriage as a relationship like the clown fish and the anemone? And if you think about what that would take, it’s not really hard to do.

Time out for a disclaimer: Here is NOT what I’m saying.

1. If you are single, you are incomplete.

2. If you lose your spouse, you cannot continue living.

3. When married, you stop being an individual.

Now, with that being said, hear my heart. I understand all analogies break down at some point, but what I love about this one is the idea that as a couple, we have a good thing going here. I love you; you love me. We make each other better people. So why would I destroy that relationship by going after someone else. I love being a clown fish and you are a great anemone. Let’s keep working this way.

man and woman on the beachSo, how do we live in complete unity?

1. Believe in your spouse: Both the clown fish and the anemone have complete faith in one another to do what they were designed to do. The anemone never bans the clown fish from coming under its protection, and the clown fish never allows other prey to attack the anemone.

2. Do your job: In every marriage, we have a role to play. Work out with your spouse what each of your roles look like and be responsible enough and loving enough to carry your weight in the relationship.

3. Care for the other: Okay, this is the humanizing part of this symbiotic relationship since clown fish and anemone don’t have feelings. But you’ll get the picture. When we let go of self and care for the needs of our spouse, we complete the symbiosis. Each of us desires to have a spouse who helps make us a better person. And we give the same back to them.

What a beautiful picture of oneness – not seeking any other human’s participation in this relationship, but relying on your one and only and being the love and support that they need.

How can you be the best clown fish or anemone you can be in your marriage?

~ Jerolyn



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