Marriage Values: Passionate Intimacy, Part 1

Mar 10, 2014 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

We have covered five our our seven marriage values from our book, Faith Legacy for Couples: Seven Values to Shape Your Marriage.  Absolute Commitment and Unconditional Love, Part 1 and 2, Love God and One Another, Part 1 and 2, Honest Communication, Part 1 and 2,  Cherish and Respect, Part 1 and 2 and Unwavering Support, Part 1 and 2.

Today we will talk Passionate Intimacy. ~ J & J

Now don’t get scared. Whether you love sex or not, there are some principles that this value possesses that you must hear. The health of your marriage depends on a truly passionate relationship and all that your mutually defined intimacy involves.

Both men and women need intimate touch and connection. We are sensual beings, created to crave human connection. Studies have shown that babies will not thrive without gentle touch. We start off from the beginning of our existence needing to be held and loved. Even those who are single by choice or through a spouse’s death still need to have regular physical contact with another human being. Hugs and a simple touch on the arm reminds us that we are not alone, but part of a community of people who care for and about each other.

God designed the most intimate touch to be experienced by one man and one woman in marriage. The biblical phrase we often hear in weddings, “The two shall become one.” is both realized in the spiritual sense and the physical. The very makeup of our bodies allows them to be united into two heartbeats joined as one person. What a beautiful and perfect intimacy.

This bond formed between a husband and wife is a vital part of a healthy marriage and cannot be dismissed or neglected. Yes, there will be seasons where time and energy seems a challenge, i.e. when you have small children in the house. But that is not an excuse to ignore each other’s needs. You are the only person who can meet your spouse’s needs and that is a responsibility you must take seriously.

So what does a woman need? Many women enjoy the act of sex; but not all women. What all women do enjoy is the closeness, the intimate touch, caressing and focused attention of their husband. They need to know they are loved, appreciated, and desired by him – that she is the only woman who excites him and fills his need for a partner in life. She wants the assurance that she is special enough to be romanced and that her presence is powerful enough to pull his attention away from the distractions of life.

So what does a man need? Physically, a man needs to have sexual release, and it has been stated that a man needs this every 72 hours. This of course is different for different men, and the age of men. But he also needs his wife to want him, desire him, and enjoy the advances he makes at her in a playful way. A man needs attention as well and although he is often the one to make the suggestion of sex (or the more direct hint), he does like it when his wife “pursues” him. He wants to be wanted.

A man wants to be attractive to his wife and likes it when she is attractive to him. As a husband the intimacy may look different, but it is still intimacy that he desires. He wants to love and be loved in a very special intimate way with and for his wife. He needs the physical, absolutely, but also desires and needs the emotional intimacy that comes from love-making.

How do you view or value intimacy with your spouse?

On Thursday we will discuss some strategies for healthy intimacy in marriage.

~ Jim and Jerolyn