Marriage Values: Honest Communication, Part 1

Dec 2, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 

Bill Doherty said, “If a married couple with children has fifteen minutes of uninterrupted, non-logistical, non-problem-solving talk every day, I would put them in the top 5 % of all married couples. It’s an extraordinary achievement.”

15 minutes? Some of us are hoping for 15 seconds, and it is often not the fault of or caused by our children. What would you do with those 15 minutes of conversation? Would there be silence for 14:30 of that time, arguing, defending, or simply trying to get your point across, or would there be honest and open conversation and communication?

We can blame busy lives, but just so we all know and are honest here, it is often we who choose too much of our time doing what we want. I, Jim, would often say to people when asked how we are doing, “Well, we are acting busy like everyone else.” When people complain about their busy life, especially with our kids’ activities, programs, sports, etc. I have responded with, “Well, for us we both chose to have them, and we chose to allow them to participate in these activities. “ We do choose much and should not blame busyness for our lack of honest communication and genuine conversation.

Many of us struggle with effectively communicating the basic agenda, calendar of events, or what needs to be done practically this week with schedules, car repairs, grocery shopping, etc. Let alone do we dare enter into a deeper dark unknown of sincere and powerful conversation.

This idea of honest communication leads us right back into one of the foundational principles of life — building strong, healthy relationships. We need to overcome our differences in communication styles, gender differences, and personality types to dive into the deep end of the relationship pool of marriage and effectively share honestly and openly with one another about our hurts, desires, dreams, and yes, even our mundane and routine days.

To continually grow a healthy marriage, the marriage needs to grow deeper, and that only happens through communicating your heart with one another.

• How well do you know your spouse and their needs?
• How well do they know you and your needs?

All of this strengthens the relational bond of marriage, and communication is critical.

Carve out the time, cherish it, guard it, and begin to practice the discipline of honoring this time to spend together in conversation. Make it a priority to move past the every day and share your dreams, fears, hopes, and celebrations. Allow one another to connect as only a spouse should and can by inviting this conversation and being willing to share in honest communication.

On Thursday we will discuss some details about how to put some of this into practice…

~Jim and Jerolyn