Adam and Eve: God’s Plan, Part 4

Jul 22, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

 “Learn to love well to be well loved.”

So far in our Adam and Eve series we have covered God’s Plan for marriage – live as partners and live a covenant marriage not a contract. We have seen how Adam and Eve messed up their marriage first by selfish acts and how we really need to center our marriage in Selflessness. Today, we are going to look at another lesson from their marriage – Responsibility.

After Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, God confronts them.

“The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.  ”Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12-13)

And this is what we like to call The Blame Game. Adam is blaming Eve for giving him the forbidden fruit. But look closer. He’s not just blaming Eve. He also blames God because he says, “The woman you put here with me….” In other words, “God, if you hadn’t given me this woman, I would not be in this predicament.”

Then look at Eve. She joins in the game blaming the serpent for tempting her to eat the fruit. Last I checked temptation is not a sin. Yielding to temptation is a sin. (Unless, of course, that temptation is chocolate, then you’re all good.)

Both Adam and Eve failed to take responsibility for their actions. They wanted to throw all the blame on someone else – including their creator. Everybody was thrown under the bus.

How often in our marriage do we want to put the blame on our spouse for our actions or for something not going right in the marriage?

• “Well, if he didn’t…”
• “Well, if she would stop…..”
• “We’d have a good marriage except that he always….”
• “I wouldn’t have to do that if she would just….”

Too often we fail to stop, take a good look in the mirror, and say, “What do I need to change about my actions and attitude to make this marriage better? Where have I failed?” True self-honesty can be the best medicine for a hurting marriage. Taking responsibility for your part in the marriage – the good and the bad. We all have room for improvement. But it does take time, reflection, and honest communication with your spouse to see where you need to made changes.

There is a quote by John F. Kennedy that I think translates well from politics to marriage:

“Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past – let us accept our own responsibility for the future.” *

How often have we turned our marriage into a bi-partisan debate? We live as if we are on opposite sides of the aisle and our troubles are always the fault of the other party.

As a team, we must work together, not pointing fingers at each other, but taking responsibility for our failures, seeking forgiveness, and moving forward in our relationship. God’s grace is enough to cover my failures. So when I take responsibility, my husband’s grace will be enough. And I can extend the same grace to him when he fails.

Take responsibility and your marriage will be so much the richer for it.

What are you blaming your spouse for right now that you need to take responsibility for?

On Thursday we will discuss strategies to return once again to God’s perfect design. If you would like to watch the complete sermon, click here and scroll down to Adam and Eve.

~Jim and Jerolyn

*–“Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland, February 18, 1958,” box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library