1/10 of a Mile Marker

Mar 28, 2013 by Jim and Jerolyn Bogear

Recently on a trip to Indiana, I noticed on the Interstate that there is a mile marker every 1/10 of a mile. Actually, I don’t know what to call them because “mile marker” doesn’t make sense. Shall we use “1/10 of a mile marker” instead? Seeing these signs, all I could say was, “Really? Do I need to know exactly where I am every tenth of a mile?” Do people have that many accidents on their roads that they need 10 markers per mile? Can the tow truck not find me at mile marker 23? Does he really need 23.7? Or maybe it’s when they get lost in blinding snowstorms. “Oh, now I know where I am, mile marker 62.3.” Seriously, do Hoosiers really drive that slowly? (I can say these things because I’m married to a Hoosier.)

How often do we act like those 1/10 mile markers in our relationships? We are overbearing and on each other’s back all the time. You could say we are naggers. Now women have been given this illustrious moniker for years as “the nagging wife.” Actually even the Bible talks about a nagging wife in Proverbs and Judges. But men can fall into this category as well.

What do we think we will accomplish by nagging? That what we want will be accomplished faster? That we will change the other person into an immediate responder? Maybe it is to feel superior to the other person.

DISCLAIMER: Not to justify nagging, but we do need to be people of integrity who follow through on what we say we will do.

That being said, here’s what I think are the results of nagging:

Annoyance: You can really ruin a relationship when all you do is harp on one thing over and over. They will not want to be around you.

Disrespect: You belittle the other person by constantly reminding them and basically saying, “You are not responsible enough to tend to this without me making sure you do.”

Distrust: You show the other person that you really don’t trust them. This can be extremely damaging since trust is really the basis of all relationships.

Questioned Integrity: You are saying they will not follow through on their commitment.

As a wife, I need to ask my husband to do something, and then trust him to handle it. If I don’t, then I need to examine why I don’t trust him and work on that area.

As a mother, I need to do the same with my children, however, I do need to put deadlines in place with consequences. My job with them is not nagging, but training them in the art of “follow-through.”

Not so with my husband. I am not his mother. I am his helpmate, and as such, I need to depend on him to do what he needs to do and trust him to the end. I need to stand by him through wise decisions and missed calculations. I need to be a supporter, not a nagger.

Are you becoming a “1/10 of a mile marker” in your relationships?

~Jerolyn